The Heart Wants What It Wants
by bouquineuse
Summary: Jesse makes a decision after Nationals that deliberately takes him far away from Rachel. Nearly six years pass and he thinks he's moved on, but has he? St. Berry future fic with a sidedish of Hummelberry.
1. Prologue

**A/N This was my first attempt at writing a fanfic that I started writing this last summer after the New York episode aired in season 2. I never posted it and then season 3 took place, so I've revamped it to incorporate things that happened since New York. It turned out more sappy than originally planned, so yea are warned. ST. Berry future fic, with a side serving of Hummelberry**

**The Heart Wants What It Wants**

Prologue

For the majority of his life, Jesse had been unfamiliar with the concept of losing. It wasn't an acceptable part of his vocabulary. Yet here he was, sitting in some nondescript, noisy bar in Chicago, staring into the bottom of an empty glass and feeling like a total loser. He had failed at college; he'd failed as a show choir consultant and now he'd failed as a show choir director. His self-confidence was at an all-time low. But for him his biggest and most painful failure was losing Rachel to Finn Hudson.

Jesse knew he would have been able to accept losing her to her quest for stardom and fame, but losing Rachel to Finn Hudson? Hudson was of mediocre talent and intelligence, (and Jesse felt that was being generous in this estimation), why couldn't Rachel see that? She was fixated on someone who was completely unworthy of her.

Jesse motioned to the bartender for another drink and continued trying to make sense of it all. He concluded that Rachel had been obsessed by Finn Hudson before Jesse had even met her. She'd idealized Finn into the role of her leading man and seemed unable to see the truth, that Finn was actually a millstone around her neck. But it was the fact that Hudson really didn't understand Rachel, and was incapable of cherishing her and her dreams as she deserved, that frustrated and angered Jesse the most.

What kind of boyfriend doesn't help the one he loves achieve her dreams; doesn't help her choose and practice several audition pieces months and months in advance? And what kind of supportive boyfriend allows his girl to apply to just one college? Rachel had obviously focused so much on her relationship and impending nuptials to Hudson that she'd been unprepared for her NYADA audition. Hudson had let, maybe even encouraged, Rachel to lose her focus on her lifetime dream, and that had made Jesse determined to try and rectify the situation.

So today, at Nationals, he had sought out Rachel and even managed to be civil to Hudson (though it had nearly killed him to do so). He just hoped the few minutes he'd spoken with Rachel alone had fired up her competitive instinct again. She had certainly glowed like a star on stage tonight. Then he'd spoken to Carmen Tibideaux to see if she would reconsider giving Rachel a second chance for a placement at NYADA. But now there nothing more he could do. He just had to have faith that Rachel would still be able to achieve her dreams of starring on Broadway even after marrying Finnbecile.

Thinking about Rachel and Finn's impending marriage only increased the pain he was feeling. Rachel had been the only person Jesse had ever really felt connected to since his grandmother had died. And he hadn't realized just how deeply he'd fallen in love with Rachel until it was too late. It struck him now just how alone he truly was. His parents didn't really care, his siblings hated him, and friendships had been discouraged in Vocal Adrenaline because it diluted the competitive dog eat dog mentality Shelby cultivated. The only other person that he'd been somewhat close to was Shelby, and he was still too angry with her for the whole college and Rachel mess. Shelby had let both him and Rachel down badly.

The one thing Jesse knew for a certainty was that he couldn't bear to see Rachel become Mrs. Rachel Hudson. He didn't want to even be in the same State in case their paths crossed and New York was now out of the question because he'd only end up visualizing Rachel in nearly every Broadway production or on every street he walked.

Jesse gulped down the rest of his drink and stood up. With his bad luck lately he'd no doubt get arrested for being a minor if he stayed any longer. He pulled on his jacket and as he headed for the door Jesse decided it was time for a major change in the life of Jesse St. James. Carmen's words to him had boosted his confidence a little and had rekindled his desire to go back to performing. The stage and singing was now the only love he could pursue. As he made his way back to his hotel an idea slowly began to take shape in his mind.


	2. Chapter 1

**_A/N Thank-you for all the reviews and alerts! Feedback is always appreciated (positive? negative? it is all useful). I hope the story will meet your expectations. FYI: There will be probably around 13 to 15 chapters in all and most chapters will be relatively short.  
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**_This chapter basically sets up what is to come so hang in there!  
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**_As per usual none of the characters are mine (if they were, I'd treat them better than RIB & Co. do!)  
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_London, nearly six years later_

Jesse took a sip of his pint of bitter and watched with quiet amusement as his friends Ben and Christian regaled Emma and Sophie with their latest backstage prank. Settling back comfortably in his seat in the dimly lit pub, he let his mind drift back over the past few years. Having dual citizenship combined with the inheritance from his grandmother had made his decision to come to the UK an easy choice. That decision, along with his enrolling in the summer course at Guildhall school of Music and Drama, turned out to be two of the best decisions he'd ever made.

The fact that he knew no one and no one knew him had allowed him a fresh start, and he had seized it with eagerness, determined not to repeat his mistakes. In hindsight, his mistakes and failures since egging Rachel had done him a big favour as he'd been far less of an arrogant sod when he arrived in the UK. Even so, he'd been an ass on numerous occasions. He grimaced slightly as he recalled his first few weeks on British turf. But the Brits had a finely honed manner of taking the mickey out of anyone who thought too much of themselves. So Jesse had learned and adapted swiftly.

Never afraid to work hard and wanting to forget two years of heartache and failure, he had thrown himself into theatre courses and workshops completely. His always excellent tonal memory had aided him to pick up accents quickly and with ease. That, plus being able to sing, dance, and play an instrument, gave him a slight edge over others. Jesse smirked slightly as he silently acknowledged the fact that his looks hadn't hurt his chances either.

But in many ways it was timing and luck that had given him his first break. One of the contacts he'd made during classes had led to a series of small roles and those in turn to a role on a television series which eventually led to an understudy part in the West End. When he took over the part of one of the brothers in "Blood Brothers" he knew just how lucky he had been. The UK was full of talented yet unemployed actors all vying for far too few parts.

Now he was nearly six months into playing the male lead in a new musical that had become a smash hit in the West End. But equally satisfying, he had true friends and someone he really cared about... His gaze settled on Sophie momentarily as she tilted her blonde head to the side and laughed at something Ben had said. She was pretty, fun, intelligent, and talented. Completely happy to stay behind the scenes and work her miracles in the wardrobe department in a nearby theatre, she had no diva tendencies whatsoever, not like...

Jesse frowned as his mind drifted into forbidden territory. He thought he had shut and locked that door long ago, and it worried him that recently he'd found himself thinking about Rachel again. It had started when he'd heard about her being nominated for a Tony last year. But she had made her choice, he reminded himself. He was happy she had pursued her dream to go to New York and become a Broadway star, but he steadfastly refused to seek out any other information about her. He wasn't a masochist. If friends at times wondered why he always avoided dating brunette actresses or singers, he'd firmly said they weren't his type. Suddenly he realized Christian was talking to him.

"Earth to Jesse. Are you still with us, mate?"

Jesse quickly pasted on a grin. "Sorry, my mind drifted off there a bit. What were you saying?"

"I said, what do you think the big meeting tomorrow is all about?"

"Haven't a clue. The musical is no danger of closing as we're sold out for months in advance and there's no reason to change venues either."

"Some think it may have to do with opening the play on Broadway," Ben chimed in.

The mention of Broadway, so soon after his thoughts had strayed in that direction, sent a chill over Jesse. He shrugged, then quickly downed the rest of his pint and turned to Sophie. "Do you want to stay for a bit or are you ready to leave, Sophie?"

Sophie stared intently at Jesse for a moment before saying "No, I'm ready to leave. I've got some sketches I want to finish."

So, saying their goodbyes to their friends, they headed out into the spring evening.

They'd gone a couple of blocks in what Jesse considered to be companionable silence when Sophie spoke up.

"What's wrong, Jesse?"

"Wrong? Nothing's wrong, I just wasn't in the mood for socializing tonight." Jesse silently cursed that he'd let his showface slip and Sophie had seen his unease at the mention of Broadway in the conversation. She was far too perceptive at times. "I just see no point in speculating on what's going on. We'll find out soon enough tomorrow." He then adroitly changed the conversation to something less unsettling until they reached the entrance to her flat.

"Are you coming up?" Sophie asked uncertainly. Jesse had been conversational yet strangely distant all evening. She didn't know quite what to make of it.

"No, I'm thinking it's going to be an early night, besides you said you had sketches you wanted to work on, didn't you?"

"Yes..." But before Sophie could say anything further, Jesse gave her a quick kiss and strode away, calling out goodnight over his shoulder.

"Goodnight." Sophie couldn't quite keep the confusion out of her voice as she watched him disappear into the dark. Actors! Sometimes she swore they were from a different planet. She shook her head and headed up to her flat.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N Okay, now that all the story setting is in place, on with the story!  
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**(Blah, blah, blah the usual disclaimers apply). ****All spelling, and grammar mistakes are my own. **

Chapter 2

Late Monday morning found most of the main cast in the Green Room awaiting the arrival of their director. Jesse looked around at his cast mates and noted most were exhibiting an air of excitement mixed with anxiety. In contrast he felt deadly calm, the same way he always felt just before the curtain rose. Their director along with one of the producers entered the room preceded by Claire, who played Jesse's leading lady Beth. Immediately the noise level dropped off and all heads turned towards them in expectation.

Michael, their director, grinned. "I see everyone is wondering why we've called this meeting, so I shan't keep you in suspense any longer. Several of you have heard rumours about the play opening on Broadway. It's true that we are in production talks about that, however, there is a lot to done before everything is finalized. We'll keep you all updated as things occur. However, as our leading lady Claire is soon to be leaving us..." There was a collective gasp and all eyes turned to Claire in surprise.

"As I was saying" Michael's voice cut through the buzz of conversation that had erupted, "Claire is leaving us. However, it is due to a happy event. She and Jeffrey are expecting a new addition to their family." He paused for a time to allow some to extend their congratulations and hugs to the blushing girl.

As the noise level abated Michael left the room and the producer, Richard began to speak. "We thought this was a golden opportunity to add to the cast a rising young star from Broadway. She's been creating quite the stir across the pond the past couple of years, and we think she'll be a great asset to the production when we do open on Broadway. Having our two leads both with American connections should also help sell the show to the American audience. She flew in yesterday and will be training first as Claire's understudy and then begin alternating shows with her. I'm sure you'll all do your best to make her welcome. Now, we'd like to introduce you to our newest cast member." Richard turned towards the door as Michael brought the American girl in.

Even before Michael stepped aside, and Richard said her name, Jesse knew in his heart who would be standing there. It was inevitability. He had tried to cut all ties to Rachel and he had thought he had succeeded, but the joke was on him. Rachel Berry was on his turf and he found he didn't like that one little bit.

He covertly watched as Michael introduced her to various cast members. She was as he remembered her, yet not quite. Her body had matured and her tailored clothes set her curves off to full advantage. Rachel's choice in clothing had definitely improved and he wondered briefly if Shelby had mended bridges and helped Rachel with her fashion sense. She certainly oozed sexy self-confidence and she was even more beautiful than he remembered. Jesse closed his eyes for a moment and concentrated on regaining his poise before they approached him. All too soon Michael was saying:

"And this is your leading man and fellow countryman, Jesse St. James, whom I trust will take you under his wing and show you the ropes of British theatre and life. "

"Jesse." Rachel extended her hand and though there was no quiver in her voice, she betrayed her nervousness by chewing on her lower lip for a brief second.

"Rachel." His voice was as cool and indifferent as he could make it. Although he shook her hand Jesse dropped it as soon as he could politely do so.

Rachel turned her big brown eyes on him with a wounded half pleading expression in them, and for a moment Jesse felt like he was nineteen again, ready to change the world for her, to pull down stars for her. Then the anger came to his rescue and his showface snapped firmly into place.

Michael was surprised by Jesse's unusually chilly reaction to his new co-star. Although Jesse could at times be a bit temperamental, it was usually about production values. He generally got on well with his fellow cast, and they all respected his talent and work ethic. It was not like him to make snap judgments.

"I wondered where you went after Nationals. I know now you were partly responsible for Carmen giving me a second chance and I wanted to …" Rachel caught herself just before she began to babble in front of the director and her voice tapered off.

"Yes, well, there really wasn't any reason for me to stick around, was there, Rachel." He couldn't quite keep the bitterness from his voice.

Michael looked from one to the other in surprise. "You two already know each other?"

Jesse put on his famous St. James smirk as he replied "Long ago, in another lifetime. We were both in show choirs in Ohio. Rachel was extremely talented, even then. She did tend to make impetuous, silly decisions however.

Rachel began to feel her blood start to simmer at Jesse's condescending attitude and remarks. "Yes, and we all know what a paragon of virtue and kindness you were, St. James. May I remind you of a certain incident with eggs?"

"I apologized for that, and did my best to make it up to you. Are you forgetting the Run Joey Run incident, not to mention that stunt at Nationals with Hudson? I'd say we are more than even, Berry or should I say Hudson?" Jesse clamped his mouth shut and glared at Rachel. She glared back. "It's Berry, for your information. Finn married someone else."

Michael meanwhile had been listening with growing dismay to the conversation unfolding before him. Thank goodness the rest of the cast had decided to take Claire out for lunch and were not privy to this. It would be very bad for cast morale. It was time to step in and do damage control.

"Look, I don't care what kind of past history you two have, but I am not going to stand for it interfering with the show. You don't have to like each other but I expect you two to behave like professionals and be totally believable in your roles when that curtain rises. "

Jesse felt like he'd been slapped. "I'm always a complete professional; I would never jeopardize the show. Rachel's the one you need to talk to about letting emotions sabotage a production. Now, I have a performance to prepare for tonight and right now I think it's best for all concerned that I remove myself from this discussion." With that Jesse turned on his heel and walked out.

Michael stared for a moment in disbelief at Jesse's angry exit, and then turned back to Rachel. "I have never seen Jesse behave like that. Whatever is going on, you both need to find a way to fix it. Now, I think there's been enough drama for the day." He said in a more kindly tone. "Try to get a good night's sleep and I'll see you tomorrow. I'd like you to attend the matinee performance and get a feel for the production as it currently stands. We'll start rehearsing the day after." He pulled out a ticket from his jacket pocket and passed it to her. Rachel nodded and made for the door, only barely managing to hold back the tears as she said goodbye.

**A/N Did Jesse overreact? Remember, he doesn't like surprises (Unique at Regionals for example). What do you think? **


	4. Chapter 3

THWWIW Chapter 3

Jesse's POV

Jesse stormed out of the backstage door and set off at a brisk pace down the street, only slowing down when he'd reached Green Park. Finding an empty bench, he practically threw himself down on it. Then, his head in his hands, his heart beating like he'd been running a marathon, he tried to regain some degree of calm. Why had he let her get to him? Why had he said those horrible things that he really didn't mean? He should have stayed cool, disinterested, but instead he'd lashed out like a provoked rattlesnake and the words had come out all wrong! The last time they had spoken they'd parted on good terms all things considered, but having her show up like this, giving him no warning, had sent him into a tailspin.

She had to have known about him, but he'd been caught totally off guard and had reverted to childish behavior. Well, he was an adult now; he was a professional actor on his way to the top. He was not going to let the past ruin his life, a life that he'd been quite content with only hours before. Somehow, he would make this work. Just because they had to act together, didn't mean they had to see each other outside of the theatre. He could and would get through this. The one bright spot to the situation was that he wouldn't have to deal with Finndolt.

Nonetheless, Jesse deliberately delayed going back to the theatre as long as he could in order to avoid talking about the newest addition to the cast. He just had time to give Claire a hug and belated private congratulations before it was time to get ready. For a few hours he was able to lose himself in the performance and block out the day's events. But when the curtain fell, like a coward he quickly made his excuses and went straight home. Ignoring his messages from Sophie and Ben, he tumbled into bed; his sleep troubled by fitful dreams in which he was haunted by sad brown eyes.

Rachel's POV 

For several hours after the altercation with Jesse, Rachel wandered around central London in an emotional daze. She even took one of the city bus tours, but later could not recall a single thing she'd seen. Finally, after grabbing a quick meal at vegan café, she headed back to her lonely hotel room.

It was only after reaching the privacy of her room that she let the tears flow. Nothing had gone like she'd hoped. When she'd heard about this role she'd jumped at the opportunity to audition for it. Without doubt it was the perfect role for her but she'd be lying to herself if she didn't admit that performing with Jesse had been the main reason she wanted the part so badly. She needed to know for sure if the on stage chemistry was still there. But even more so, she needed to know if he was still the Jesse who understood her and supported her dreams even when she had lost her confidence; the one who could still make butterflies dance in her stomach just by saying "Hello, Rachel."

After speaking briefly with Jesse and parting on friendly terms prior to New Direction's win at Nationals she had concluded that it had been only his pride that she had damaged at the previous Nationals. Everyone said Jesse didn't really have a heart, therefore how could she have hurt him? So after they had finally won Nationals she put him out of her mind and told herself that the only things that mattered were marrying Finn and Broadway. She had been so sure that she and Finn were meant to be. She would convince Finn to come to New York and they would get married and conquer the city together. He was her first love, her true love, they would last forever.

Rachel grabbed another tissue and let out a choked laugh. She'd been really stupid. Finn was a sweet enough guy but he'd never been able to comprehend her or her inherent need to perform on a stage, nor had he been able to converse intelligently on anything with her. It had taken her too long to realize that she at fallen in love with a Fantasy Finn, not the real Finn at all. Jesse, on the other hand had always understood her in a way no one else ever had. She'd just been too young and stupid to see it. She'd ruined it all.

When she'd finally got to New York, and her relationship with Finn had died a natural death, she'd started thinking more and more often about Jesse. There were so many things in her day to day life in New York and in college that she wanted to share or discuss with him. Sure she had Kurt and Blaine as good friends, but it wasn't really the same. But Jesse just seemed to have vanished. So she tried to bury her concern in her busy life. She dated and had fun, but deep down she was increasingly troubled by his absence from the theatrical scene and seemingly from anything related to the performing arts. He deserved to be a star just as much as she did.

Finally she discovered on one of her monthly (well okay, daily) internet searches that Jesse was acting in a British television series. Rachel was so proud of him and then, when he was cast in "Blood Brothers," she'd actually let out a little scream of joy in sheer elation at his success. When it was her turn and she received her Tony nomination she had wanted so badly to share (not gloat but share) her success with him; to tell him he'd been right to believe in her and to thank him for his unwavering belief. Consequently, when the opportunity arose to go to London and be on stage with him, she didn't think twice about accepting.

But when she'd talked to her mom and told her about Jesse and the musical, Shelby had warned her that surprising Jesse like this wasn't the wisest thing to do. Jesse had cut Shelby out of his life after he'd discovered how Shelby had treated Rachel, and Shelby feared he'd done the same with Rachel when he had chosen to live and work abroad. But Rachel had wanted to believe the past was past and they were both older and wiser now. How wrong she'd been.

Finally, exhausted from both the travel and the drama, Rachel drifted off into an uneasy sleep.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N This is mostly a transitional chapter and I battled with it. The story does pick up in the following chapters and I will post another tomorrow. Thank-you to all who have added the story to their alerts and favs, and a special thank-you to those who review!  
**

**All grammar and spelling mistakes are my own as are any characters aside from Jesse & Rachel.  
**

Chapter 4

Rachel had awoken groggy and disorientated. It had been a really bad idea falling asleep right after a crying binge. Thankfully she wasn't one of those people who got all blotchy and red eyed for hours afterwards, she thought to herself as she quickly showered. With a touch of concealer to hide the slight bit of puffiness around the eyes there would be no outward signs of her crying. A decongestant would take care of the stuffiness in her sinuses.

She dressed quickly into some designer jeans and a fitted top, grabbed her handbag, her jacket and headed downstairs for breakfast. It was a brand new day, and she made a resolution that she would not react to any further barbs or animosity from Jesse. She was a professional; she could and would make the best of the situation.

Sometime later Rachel entered the theatre through stage door. Greeting the attendant with a brief smile and hello, she then paused by the noticeboard and made some notes regarding available, affordable accommodations that were posted. Perhaps Michael had some suggestions, although maybe that had already been arranged? She really should have paid more attention to what her agent had said. Rachel shook her head; she had been living in the clouds since she'd got the part. That had to stop!

After taking a brief look around she returned to the outside and strolled past the other nearby theatres, soaking up the atmosphere. The West End had a different feel from Broadway, in part because everything seemed so much older, more regal, and steeped in history than in New York, and it left Rachel somewhat in awe.

Since it was a warm, beautiful spring day, she decided it might be fun to get take-away and eat al fresco in a park. The matinee didn't start until 3:00 so she had plenty of time. Quickly Rachel pulled out her smartphone and checked her map app, only to discover that the closest major park was one called St. James Park. The idea of a picnic in the park was suddenly less appealing. Mentally muttering to herself Rachel made her way back to the theatre district to find a bistro or cafe in which to eat. There, she vowed, she'd amuse herself by people watching and refuse to let Jesse further intrude on her thoughts.

Finally it was time to return to the theatre for the matinee performance. This time Rachel used the public entrance and, after presenting her ticket, proceeded to her seat. She had an excellent view of the stage, yet not so close that she couldn't get an overall feel of all the actors' movements and the set design. She was so busy studying everything around her that in what seemed like no time at all, the lights dimmed and the curtain began to rise.

Already very familiar with the script, Rachel had planned on taking brief notes throughout the production, however she became so involved in the plot and performance that it wasn't until intermission that she could gather her thoughts together. Jesse had been amazing, even better than she'd anticipated. In fact all the cast were excellent, though she had to say she felt that Claire lacked a little something. She was very good, yet not quite up to Jesse's level vocally nor in acting, but maybe that was due to residual morning sickness. The scene in the garden for example, Rachel knew she could do much better with it. Her forehead creased in thought and she began to make rapid notes. There were a lot of ideas she'd like to discuss with Michael tomorrow.

/

Rachel was a quick study, Michael soon discovered. She also had keen insight into her character Beth and how she envisioned her. Soon Rachel was doing run throughs with other cast members and Jesse's understudy, Stephen. Michael had planned for Rachel and Stephen to start doing the matinees together, but he soon had to revise that idea. Rachel was too dynamic for Stephen and it would have been very obvious to even the most casual theatre goer that he wasn't in her league. No, it would be best if Claire & Stephen worked together as their styles were more complimentary, and Rachel started acting with Jesse as soon as possible.

Michael rubbed his forehead to release the tension that had gathered at that thought. As far as he could tell Rachel and Jesse had had very little to do with each other during the past couple of weeks, but when they had met they had managed to maintain a cool but professional attitude. He hoped he wouldn't live to regret his decision in hiring Rachel. Pulling out his phone he called Jesse.

Jesse was already sitting on the edge of the empty stage, when Michael emerged from the wings.

"Jesse. I called you in early to rehearsal because I wanted to have a quick word before Rachel arrives."

"Well, you'd better make it fast, because if I know Rachel, she'll be arriving in less than five minutes."

Michael glanced at his watch and swore. "You're right, she's always early for everything. " He frowned briefly and asked, "how long did you say you two knew each other?"

"Just a few months in all. " Jesse didn't elaborate.

"Hmm, you seem to know her very well. " Michael paused a few seconds before continuing. "Jesse, I know you are very professional about your work, but I just wanted to reiterate that I expect that to continue. I don't want to have to make a choice between you and Rachel if this casting doesn't work. The fact is, you are the star of the show here and have a large following of fans. Rachel is an unknown in the UK and as amazing as she is, if you two can't make a go of it, she'll be the one I'll cut, at least from the London production, and I'll have to do it soon if we need to replace her. Needless to say I'd prefer that not happen."

Jesse swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat at Michael's words. He was in the position of power, he could have Rachel sent back to Broadway and off his territory if he wanted. But he knew he could never do that to her. She lived and breathed the theatre just as he did. He knew how he'd feel in her position. It would be a crushing blow, even worse than the egging, and one that he would not be the one to deliver.

Jesse nodded. "I understand. I'm willing to try if she is."

"Try what?" Rachel asked as she emerged almost hesitantly from stage left.

"To make this work. To make this production the best. Can we leave Jesse and Rachel at the stage door and just be Beth and Thomas?" Jesse proposed.

"Okay. I can do that, Jesse." Rachel smiled in relief that he was being mature and professional about this.

"It's Thomas remember?" Jesse grinned somewhat crookedly at her then turned to Michael. "Okay, let's do it."

The rehearsal was exhausting, yet exhilarating. They fell into sync so easily, as if no time had passed at all since they had last performed together. All those musicals and movie scenes they used to re-enact, all those duets they had sung together were now paying off in spades.

By the time they'd reached the last act, Michael had very little critique to give them. He just sat back in amazement at what was unfolding before him. Did these two have any idea just how incredible they were on stage together and this just after one reheasal? He'd thought the original cast was fantastic but adding Rachel just took the production to another level completely. Not to mention, their chemistry as a couple was extraordinary.

As the scene closed, and the last word was uttered, they both stood silent for a moment, and then Jesse bent and kissed Rachel on her forehead. "I always said you were brilliant, didn't I?" he whispered.

Rachel beamed up at Jesse. "**We** are brilliant."

The moment was broken by the Michael's enthusiastic applause. "Well done you two! Rachel, I think you'll be ready to start alternating with Claire by next Tuesday.

**A/N So, can they keep it professional? Stay tuned!**

** F****or those with theatre backgrounds I should apologize for any errors in the way I depict theatre life behind the scenes. I have no experience in that department but as neither Glee or Smash have been realistic, I too am using artist license :-) (If anyone does have input about the way theatre is run in the UK, I'd love to hear about it, so please pm me.)**  



	6. Chapter 5

**A/N As promised here is Chapter 5.**

Chapter 5

"So, how'd the rehearsal with your new lead go?" Sophie asked as she and Jesse met for lunch.

"Good. Very good." Jesse was still on a bit of a performance high and the excitement was evident in his voice.

"You know I don't even know what she looks like. Is she the typical blonde, cosmetically enhanced, Hollywood starlet type?" Sophie tried to sound casual, but Jesse had said so little about the new addition to the cast; she was both curious and a little concerned.

Jesse burst out laughing. "No. Try a petite brunette dynamo. She's striking, different. Pretty isn't a word I'd ever use to describe her- it's too insipid. There's nothing fake or plastic or bland about Rachel Berry."

On one hand, Sophie was relieved. Everyone knew Jesse was never attracted to brunettes. But on the other hand, there was just something about the way he described Rachel that bothered her. Jesse seemed to have subtlety changed recently. Although actually, when she thought about it, the change had started several months prior to this Rachel's arrival. Sophie shook her head and mentally slapped herself. She was being silly. She took a sip of her wine and began talking instead about her plans for her upcoming holiday in France.

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Rachel's first performance with Jesse was to be a Tuesday matinee. But when Claire came down with a cold and lost her voice Sunday morning, Rachel's debut was moved up to the Monday evening performance.

Right from the start Rachel and Jesse had the audience enthralled. By the end of the performance, the standing ovation and numerous curtain calls infected the entire cast with giddiness. It was giddiness similar to that of a successful opening night and it continued on to the wine bar where they gathered afterwards.

As they sat around tables that had been pushed together, Jesse watched with amusement the effect the evening's success, and a couple of glasses of wine, were having on Rachel. The bossy, drama queen who didn't always think before she spoke (the old Rachel that is, which she seemed to control most of the time) was in danger of emerging any moment. Jesse frowned. He knew that Rachel well, and quite frankly he still adored that part of her. But his cast mates didn't know her properly yet and they might not take too well to some of the comments he could see forming on her lips.

Jesse made a decision and swiftly moved in. "Sorry for interrupting but if I might just have a few words with my amazing leading lady?" and before anyone, including Rachel, knew how he managed it, Jesse had taken her off to a quieter corner.

"Rachel, I know you don't like to take advice, especially from me but just this once I need you to."

Rachel opened her mouth to argue, but Jesse's index finger was already over her lips, silencing her tirade before it could begin.

"You know I fully appreciate that diva, larger than life quality you have, but you are now in England not New York. So this is just a word of friendly advice. The American way, especially the New York way of telling people how to run their theatre, their city, their relationships, doesn't go down well. It will create barriers, hurt feelings and provoke sarcastic remarks. I learned that the hard way early into my arrival here. I know you mean well, but just watch what you say, especially to people who don't know you very well yet. Let them get to know you, and visa versa. You know the saying "when in Rome, do as the Romans do?

Rachel nodded.

"That's what you need to remember. Okay? "

"Okay." It was a more subdued, even distracted Rachel that returned to the table. Jesse's words had been responsible for some of that, but most of it it had been due his nearness, the sensation of his finger gently placed against her lips, and his breath softly grazing her cheek. All of that had led her to briefly entertaining entirely inappropriate thoughts and she'd had to severely restrain herself from reaching up to kiss him senseless. Rachel decided then and there that drinking alcohol was not a good idea if combined with proximity to one Jesse St. James.

Jesse resumed his place in the group unaware that Ben had been thoughtfully observing the entire proceedings. The partying continued for a time until the adrenaline high wore off. Rachel and Sian, with whom she now shared a flat, were the first to leave, followed shortly thereafter by the rest.

Ben automatically fell into step with Jesse as they exited onto the street.

"So, what's going on, Jess?"

"What do you mean, what's going on?" Jesse stopped in surprise and turned to look at Ben.

"You and Rachel. First there was the show tonight, where the chemistry between you two was positively electrifying. And then that cozy little tête à tête between you two in the corner of the wine bar a little while ago..."

"It wasn't a "co_zy"_ little anything. I just gave her some advice. There's absolutely nothing going on." Jesse denied quite adamantly.

"You may be selling that story, but I'm not buying it."

Jesse sighed. Ben was one of his closest friends and knew him far too well. He didn't want to lie to him. It was bad enough that he hadn't told Sophie about his and Rachel's past history or was even sure how to now. Things were getting far too complicated.

He ran a hand through his curly locks and sighed again. "Ok, so the truth is, I knew Rachel when we were both teenagers. The year I was graduating I attended her highschool for a short time and we dated awhile. But stuff happened and we went our separate ways, not exactly on good terms. It was all a long time ago. But when we were dating we used to spend much of our time together watching and reenacting our favorite musicals or having vocal duets and sing offs." Jesse found himself smiling for a moment at the memories his words conjured. "From the first time we met we had this instant amazing chemistry vocally."

"So, did this vocal chemistry translate into bedroom chemistry as well?"

"NO! It wasn't like that, we never... It's …it's complicated, you wouldn't understand." Hell, Jesse thought, he didn't really understand it himself either. All he knew was that Rachel had been special, and as much as he had wanted to sleep with her, for some reason he had decided to wait until she felt the same; she was worth waiting for. Jeez, she had totally neutered him back then, hadn't she? He'd been Jesse St. Romantic Sap.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to anyone else, Ben." he continued. "Due to our past history, Rachel and I didn't exactly start off on the best of terms when she showed up as Claire's replacement. We've forged a working relationship over the past week or so and I don't want things to turn ugly as they have in the past between us when emotions and others got involved. It's just a performance; we haven't even talked about anything other than the play." Jesse paused again as he realized that he didn't even know what had happened between Rachel and Finn. "I don't even know anything about her life now. The last time I saw her she was engaged to a high school Neanderthal. "

"Hmm. "Ben looked at his friend and decided that perhaps now was not the right time to continue this conversation. There was more going on here than Jesse was willing to admit, perhaps even to himself. The Jesse he'd known, the one that always seemed a bit melancholy, had disappeared in the past week. He thought back to his first meeting with Jesse at the summer workshop nearly six years previously. That Jesse had been deeply wounded, though he'd tried to hide it behind wit and bravado. Now, Ben would be willing to bet that one Rachel Berry had been the cause; but Jesse was pretty private when it concerned his romantic entanglements. "Okay, I won't say anything. You have told Sophie though haven't you?"

"Actually, no and she's still in France with her sister on holidays. Anyways what's there to tell really? " Jesse knew that sounded weak and evasive, but he couldn't really say why he was so reluctant to tell Sophie.

"Take it from me, mate. Honesty is the best policy. She might get the wrong idea otherwise. Well, unlike you, I need my beauty sleep so I'd best be off. I'll see you tomorrow or rather, later today."

Jesse turned towards home and contemplated Ben's parting words. He really did need to tell Sophie. Had he not done so because he believed nothing had changed or because he was afraid that everything had or would? One thing he knew, he was no longer sure of his feelings for Sophie or for Rachel. A few months ago he had thought he was almost ready to ask Sophie to move in with him, but now everything was muddled, and it didn't help that Sophie was out of the country. By the time Jesse fell asleep he was no closer to resolving his feelings or the situation.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N Thank-you to all my lovely reviewers, (if you commented as a guest and I was unable to thank-you via pm, my thanks to you too!) With this chapter we will be about half-way through the story. There's a**** wee bit of angst in this one.**  


Chapter 6

Doing eight performances a week was grueling but even more so when a show was as emotionally charged as this one was. Certainly nothing could compare to the rush of performing at the peak of one's ability with an equally talented lead. However, after only a few performances with Rachel, Jesse felt like he was walking a tightrope and teetering on the brink of falling into the unknown. He texted Sophie every day but not as much as he normally would have. He tried to keep things as professional as possible by avoiding one on one time spent with Rachel socially. If the cast went out as a group, he was friendly but reserved around Rachel and he never stayed out very late.

He felt a little less guilty about his avoiding her since Rachel seemed to be finding her footing on English soil and developing friendships. There were also several of the guys in the production vying for her attention. Still, over the past week, Jesse would sometimes catch her looking at him with sadness in her eyes, and he knew that she too was missing the easy camaraderie they had once shared. Part of him longed to get to know the woman she had grown into, but the other part was afraid that he just might like the older, wiser Rachel far too much for his own sanity. Still the temptation was there and it was growing.

After the Saturday night performance, Jesse was emotionally spent. Thankfully Claire was well enough to return to the boards and she and Stephen would take the Monday night performance and Tuesday matinee, giving Jesse and Rachel a real break. It was especially good timing as Sophie was arriving back in London late Sunday morning.

Jesse had removed his makeup and costume in record time and was just pulling on his jeans when Rachel walked into his dressing room without knocking.

"Oh, I….I didn't think you'd be changing just yet." she stuttered as her gaze came to rest on Jesse's very nicely toned upper body. She blushed and quickly looked away when she realized what she was doing.

Jesse pretended he hadn't caught her looking, nor found his heart quicken at that look, and quickly pulled on his shirt. "Yeah, well I was afraid if I didn't keep moving quickly I'd be too tired to make it out of the theatre and I'd end up as a puddle here on the dressing room floor," he joked feebly. "How about yourself? You got thrown in at the deep end this week what with Claire being off sick."

"I'm okay, I still keep to a pretty healthy diet and exercise regimen, so my stamina is good. But yes, it will be nice to have a couple of days off. That's actually why I stopped by. I wondered if you'd like to go out for coffee tomorrow or Monday and maybe we could get caught up on each other's lives? I really miss talking to you about the theatre and songs and… and everything." Rachel's voice dwindled off into silence for a moment before she suddenly blurted out "I really miss **you**, Jesse."

Jesse was torn. Both Rachel's voice and her big brown eyes were pleading with him. He found her so very hard to resist, especially tonight as he was overly tired and feeling vulnerable. Fortunately he had a good excuse to use. "I'm sorry but this weekend is out, Rachel. My girlfriend is just getting back from France and well, it's only right that I spend this free time with her, I'm sure you understand."

'Oh, I should have realized you'd have a girlfriend. It's just I hadn't seen you with anyone and maybe everyone thought I knew about her, but of course I didn't because no one mentioned it and they likely thought I already knew which I couldn't ha… "Rachel stopped as she realized she was babbling idiotically. Her brain seemed to be frozen and her mouth was on autopilot. "Right, I'll just be on my way then. I hope you have a nice break" and she all but ran from the room.

Jesse quickly finished buttoning his shirt. He still had the gauntlet of autograph seekers and fans to wade through at the stage door, but right now all he wanted to do was snap his fingers and be home. He'd given one of his best performances on stage tonight but these last few minutes in the dressing room had left him feeling unsettled, unhappy and unsociable. He grabbed his duffel bag and headed out. The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he'd be home.

Back in her dressing room, Rachel took a long time getting changed and removing her makeup. She didn't want to chance having to stand with Jesse at the stage door greeting fans. She simply couldn't handle it right now. Her brain was operating again but all it kept saying over and over was "Jesse has moved on. Jesse didn't wait for you to grow up. You stupid, stupid girl, you could have had it all and you threw it away."

Later that evening, lying wide awake in bed, Rachel's mind kept going over and over the past few days. She had been so sure that Jesse was feeling the same thing she was when they were on stage together; not just that rare gift of immediate rapport and instinctive knowledge of what the other one was about to do in the scene- but also the constant shimmer of a deeper attraction between them. The two of them had chemistry in spades. She'd tried to pretend that it was only that they were two excellent actors and that Jesse offstage was arrogant and a heart-breaker, but she couldn't fool herself anymore.

Having taken Jesse's advice not to be overly talkative but rather to listen and learn, one of the most important things she'd learned was that Jesse was respected and liked. He seemed to have lost that "win at all costs and too bad for everyone else" attitude that he'd had drilled into him at Carmel. He still was a master at the sarcastic put down when needed, but he seemed to have tamed that aspect for the most part. She highly doubted any of her McKinley classmates would recognize the Jesse St. James that now was. He was still talented, gorgeous and driven; but aside from that, he was a decent human being, which made tonight's revelation so much harder to take.

Rachel had thought her heart had cracked when Jesse had berated her for the "Run Joey Run" escapade and then that it had shattered when he had egged her. She had thought her heart had broken in her junior year when Finn had dumped her for Quinn. But that was nothing to the pain she was feeling now. She realized she was in love with Jesse St. James and maybe always had been. Her teenage self had been too afraid of those feelings and so she'd pushed him away, turning instead to Finn who was the boring but safe option. But it had never been Finn who was her soul mate, it had always been Jesse. She'd waited too long to figure it out; too late to tell him.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N Please don't hate me for this chapter, (ducks flying objects), it is necessary to the plot. **

Chapter 7

Jesse had slept long and deeply. It was the kind of sleep that comes from pure mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. In fact he was still asleep when Sophie let herself in to his flat. He finally came to when he realized there was something soft and warm and irrefutably feminine cuddled up to him.

Jesse slowly opened his eyes and found Sophie watching him with a tender smile.

"Hey. "he mumbled.

"Hey, yourself. Were you out partying last night?"

"No. Why?"

"It's nearly 1:00 in the afternoon."

"Shit!" Jesse propped himself up his elbows and squinted at the clock. "I can't believe I slept so late! I've just slept away a part of our weekend. You should have woken me up as soon as you got in."

"Well, I was going to, but you are so adorable when you're sleeping, plus you looked like you really needed the rest."

At that moment Jesse's stomach rumbled and Sophie laughed "and now you need some nourishment. I'll make us a bite to eat and you go have a shower. "

"You're a doll. I'd kiss you right now but I think a herd of turtles slept in my mouth last night. I promise I'll make it up to you later."

Sophie just laughed and Jesse made a quick exit to the bathroom.

Later, that afternoon as they lay tangled together under the sheets, she casually brought up the topic that had been weighing on her mind over the last few days of her vacation.

"So, I've heard you and the new leading lady are wowing the audiences night after night. "

"Oh, and what little birdie told you that? " Jesse made an effort to make his tone light and uncaring although his stomach did a strange uneasy little flip.

"You know the theatrical world is an incestuous one. I've been getting texted regularly about how the play is even more incredible and the leads are fabulous together. I just may have to take time off and go see this fabulous casting coup."

"And I'll make sure you get a good seat, but now that Claire is over her cold, she will be alternating with Rachel so you'll have to have to choose the right night." Jesse lay on his back, hands behind his head and stared unseeingly at the ceiling as he spoke. Though moments before he'd been in a relaxed state after a physically pleasurable bout of love making, he now was feeling somewhat guilty. He really wanted to avoid the topic of Rachel. But Ben's warning rang in his ears and he knew he needed to come clean with Sophie. He had withheld information from Rachel as to why he'd transferred to McKinley and look how badly that had turned out. Since that hard lesson had been learned, honesty had become part of his moral compass.

He took a deep breath and rolled over so that they were now lying face to face. "Yes, well, about Rachel, there's something I haven't told you."

"Go on." Sophie tried to keep her voice calm and neutral but she found it difficult to appear relaxed and to breathe normally when her heart suddenly seemed bent on beating too fast or not beating at all.

"I first met Rachel when she was a sophomore at McKinley High and I was a senior at Carmel. Her birth mother (my vocal coach at Carmel) used me as a means for her to meet Rachel. I even went to Rachel's school for awhile and we dated. It all ended quite badly when I returned to Carmel and rejoined the show choir just before a major competition that included McKinley. I took part in egging her as part of my team's method of psyching out the opposing teams."

"You did what?" Sophie's eyebrows shot up in disbelief.

Jesse grimaced. "We egged her. Threw eggs at Rachel in the parking lot. Well, my team, Vocal Adrenaline, threw eggs, I kind of walked up to her and cracked one open on her head. Did I mention she was a vegan? Yeah, I was Jesse St. Jerk back then. I did try to make it up to her the following year and help her and her team do well at the Nationals, but they didn't exactly follow my advice. The team was highly dysfunctional and their coach was incredibly inept. Can you believe they arrived at Nationals not even having chosen what they were going to sing, let alone any choreography?" Jesse, after all these years, still could not fathom that stupidity.

"Anyway, Rachel went back to Ohio for her final year of high school, got engaged to a high school jock, and went on to beat my team (who I was then the coach of) in her senior year. I came to England for the summer workshop and stayed on. It was a bit of a surprise, to put it mildly, to find she'd been cast as Claire's replacement. "

"Did she know she had been cast opposite you?" Sophie asked with interest.

"Oh yes. She was prepared for the meeting, I wasn't, but we've reached a truce and let bygones be bygones. The fact is, we've always had this ability to perform together effortlessly. She's incredibly talented and driven. From the very first time I heard her sing, her talent blew me away, yet her team never really valued her. I never understood that. Well, she was a drama queen and obsessive about Broadway and musicals and acting, and she could be very single minded about her goals and oblivious to people sometimes …" Jesse trailed off with a reminiscent smile. "They just didn't understand her."

"But you do." Sophie said softly.

And Jesse didn't even notice they'd both used the present tense when he responded "Yes, yes, I do."

Jesse was feeling somewhat relieved that he'd come clean to Sophie about Rachel although he'd omitted telling her about how Rachel had broken his heart. He was happier playing the role of the bad boyfriend in the story and Rachel the innocent victim. Funny how he always wanted to protect her and have others think well of her. It was an automatic reaction that he couldn't seem to control.

Sophie, for her part, was trying to imagine Jesse being that cruel to someone. Sure she knew he had a quick sarcastic wit, and could at times be a bit arrogant, but the fact was, he wasn't saying anything that wasn't true, he was talented, he was going to be an international star, and he was very good-looking. But the Jesse she knew was fiercely loyal to his closest friends and she had never heard even a whisper that he had ever cheated in any of his relationships- though he certainly had enough opportunity to do so. She wondered just what had motivated him to egg someone he had apparently genuinely liked. She was beginning to think that she should meet this Rachel Berry.

**A/N Also, to those who were hoping for Sebastion or Sam in this story, I'd have to change the story to accommo****date them, and they just don't fit. (I do find Sebastion intriguing but there is yet so little known about him. If anything I'd like to see a Seb/Santana rivalry story. I like Sam but he and Rachel have never had a lot of interaction.)**


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N A quick shout out to all my reviewers for their comments and encouragement. Thank-you all! **I do try to reply individually via pm however, real life work is being a monster right now and into next week. So for now I will have to give you all a general thank-you here, until I get through the mess and all the OT spent at work.** But I promise that I will keep posting chapters on time as all I have left to do on the story now is fine-tune the final chapter.  
**

Chapter 8

Rachel spent the first day of her weekend wallowing in self-pity. Sian had gone to visit her parents in the country for the day so Rachel was free to be as miserable as she liked with no one questioning her or trying to cheer her up. She was still in her pastel pink pajamas and half way through her second carton of frozen soy yogurt (while watching "The Way We Were") when her phone rang.

She really didn't want to talk to anyone, but the ringtone was "Defying Gravity", so she hit pause on the DVD player and picked up the phone.

"Hi Kurt." She made a feeble attempt to hide her despondency and failed miserably.

"Hey gorgeous, are you going to buzz me in?"

"Buzz you in? You mean? You mean you're here?" Rachel squealed with excitement followed quickly by a squeak of dismay. The tell-tale signs of her deep funk would be spotted in a minute by her keen-eyed BFF.

"Of course, I'm here. How could I not be after I got that text from you last night? It was very dramatic, but severely lacking in details I might add. Now, buzz me in okay?" Kurt huffed in mock annoyance.

"Oh. Ok. Right."

Moments later, she was enveloped in a Kurt Hummel hug.

"Kurt, why are you really here?" Rachel said when she got her breath back.

"Rachel, please." Kurt rolled his eyes at her before checking his jacket and meticulously removing a piece of lint. He was dressed in what he considered a suitable outfit for London, a cross between Sherlock Holmes and Elton John.

"That was an SOS text if ever I saw one. Besides I was just dying to come see the play anyway. It just means I get to see it first and poor Blaine has to wait and catch it at another time."

"And how is Blaine?"

"Don't try to change the subject, Berry." Kurt had surveyed the room quickly, his glance taking in immediately the cartons of yogurt, the Streisand/Redford movie and Rachel still in her pj's at 4 in the afternoon. "It's as bad as I feared." He turned his attention back to Rachel and frowned, "You were so happy when we skyped on Friday. What has happened since? Did St. Jerk do something? So help me if he did, just give me his address and I'll"

"No! No, Jesse hasn't done anything wrong, Kurt." Rachel swiftly interrupted. "It's me. It's just I finally realized Jesse's the one. I mean the soulmate, true love, the big deal! And it's too late. I left things for too long, Kurt. I've messed up big."

There was a slight wail forming in Rachel's voice and Kurt could tell she was about to go into one of her torrential crying spells, so swiftly taking her hand, he led her over to the sofa to sit down. He patted her hand consolingly then took a deep breath and asked: "Rachel, what is it? Are you or Jesse dying of some incurable disease? Is Jesse secretly married? You know you can tell me anything."

"He might as well be married, he's in love with someone else and it must be serious. He doesn't even flirt with other girls. They try to get his attention and he's charming but polite. At first I thought perhaps it was because he was still in … I thought maybe he still felt something for me, because when we are on stage together it is magic, Kurt. It's pure magic. But it was so confusing because off stage he avoids being around me as much as possible. Yesterday I found out he has a girlfriend."

"Hmm. Have you met his girlfriend?"

"No. She's been holidaying in France. She's back today apparently. I found out about her yesterday when I suggested to Jesse that maybe we could go for coffee for old times' sake and have a good chat. That's when he told me he had plans with his girlfriend who'd been away."

Kurt evaluated Rachel's words thoughtfully then concluded,"well, the bright side is that he isn't married yet and he didn't call her his fiancée. Maybe all is not lost; after all you did previously tell me that the two of you had quite the dramatic scene when you first arrived."

"Yes, but he was very angry. He really didn't like it that I was here at all, Kurt. If looks could make someone disappear I'd have been gone in a flash."

"Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing, Rachel. If he didn't react to you at all, if he'd been totally indifferent, **then** I'd think perhaps all was lost. But obviously he still has some strong feelings for you. "

"Do you really think so?" Rachel looked at Kurt, hope slowly dawning in her eyes.

"Look, I'm just saying nothing is impossible, okay? Though I honestly don't see what you see in the guy. He was cutting and mean at the auditions for solos for Nationals in junior year." Kurt frowned as he recalled Jesse's arrogance in dismissing Kurt's fabulous audition piece; however then he remembered Jesse's distinct favoritism towards Rachel at those same auditions and so quickly added "Not to mention egging you the previous year."

"That was ages ago, and don't forget that in our senior year he helped me get a second chance with Carmen for NYADA although he never let on that he was going to do that for me. He didn't try to use it as leverage to get in my good graces or to try and break up me and Finn. He's grown up, Kurt."

"Well, if you say so. I'd like to see for myself though." Kurt tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible. "So, when do I get to see this stage magic of which you speak?"

"I'm not on until the Tuesday evening performance. Can you stay that long?" Rachel tried not sounding like she was begging and nearly succeeded.

"I'm all yours till next weekend if you'll have me."

Rachel squealed again and hugged Kurt. "That's wonderful! Have you got a place to stay?"

"Puh lease. Of course. You don't think Kurt Hummel, designer extraordinaire would leave something like that to chance. It's five star all the way, baby."

Rachel laughed. It was so good to have Kurt here. They were going to have a blast together, and maybe, just maybe she could forget a certain leading man enough to get her emotions back together before Tuesday's performance.


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N Real life has been severely interfering with my time spent in reading and creative pursuits. :-( But here's the next chapter. (In this chapter the chess pieces begin to move into place, as it were.)  
**

**Chapter 9**

Kurt wasn't the only member of the audience in attendance that Tuesday night with a personal investment. Sophie had pulled a few strings (with Ben's help), in order to catch the evening show without Jesse's knowledge. By the final act she wanted to leave, but like a masochist she stayed to the bitter end. She was just thankful this was a romantic period piece without overt sexual content because it was hard enough just watching the tender love scenes between the two leads.

As soon as the show ended she headed back to the nearby theatre where she worked. Sewing always gave her comfort and clarity of mind, so as she began the painstaking work of repairing sequins on a bodice, she mulled matters over. She and Jesse had first met two years ago and because they had been friends first before their relationship had deepened into love, Sophie thought she knew Jesse very well. But tonight she had witnessed a Jesse she'd never seen before. There had been such a raw vulnerability in Jesse's performance, as if he'd exposed his heart and left nothing hidden. Sophie didn't have to look very far to see that Rachel was the catalyst in unlocking that vulnerability in Jesse, and that Rachel's feelings for Jesse also ran deep.

Working in the theatre Sophie had seen her fair share of romances develop on stage and spill into real life; it was all too easy for some actors to get caught up in their character's persona and lose sight of who they really were off the stage. But Jesse had never seemed to have any difficulty in keeping fact and fiction separate. Sophie had never heard of him crossing that line, and though he hadn't yet crossed it yet with Rachel, it was impossible to deny the powerful connection between the two of them. The fact that Rachel and Jesse had not only known each other previously but had dated as teenagers, gave a whole different dimension to what was occurring on stage. The play wasn't the start of a new relationship but a reviving of one that had been dormant for the past few years.

Sophie sighed and put down her needle. Maybe she'd never really known the real Jesse at all. Reaching a decision, she picked up her jacket and handbag, and as she made her way out the door, she placed a call on her cell. She needed to talk to someone who had known Jesse far longer than she had.

[[[[[[[[[

Kurt made his way backstage with his mind still reeling from the night's performance. He'd just witnessed an incredible theatrical triumph and two superstars in the making. Never before had he seen Rachel give so much of herself to a part. But the biggest surprise had been Jesse. There had been nothing fake or superficial in Jesse's acting, that is, if it was all acting. Kurt felt quite positive that all that emotion emanating from Jesse was based in real feelings just as much as Rachel's had been. Still, he needed to see the offstage Jesse to be more certain.

Jesse wasn't sure how he'd made it through the night's performance which had left him shaken to the core. He had sensed something so fragile about Rachel tonight. She'd been very good the previous week, but this performance had been in a league of its own. Her scenes were invested with such raw emotion that he had intuitively responded in kind. He'd just wanted to hold her and comfort her, to make whatever the pain was that was eating at her to go away. Was she that good of an actress or was there something deeper going on?

His thoughts were interrupted by a tap on the dressing room door, and he turned to see who was there. It was quite safe to say that the last person he expected to see standing at the doorway was one Kurt Hummel dressed in a burgundy velvet tuxedo.

"Hummel."

"St. James."

They both took stock of each other for a moment. Kurt breaking the silence first, "As much as it pains me to say it, you gave a brilliant performance tonight, Jesse."

"Thank-you. It's an incredible role and my co-star is equally if not more so responsible for the performance. Rachel has always been very gifted, even though her choir teammates so seldom recognized that fact." Jesse couldn't resist delivering the pointed jab at Kurt and New Directions.

Surprised that Jesse hadn't taken all the credit for the evening's performance, Kurt decided not to fan the old fires of animosity about New Directions but instead to be magnanimous. "Yes, well for once I have to agree with you on all counts. I admit my treatment of her was rooted in jealousy but I outgrew that; in fact we've now been BFF since our last year of high school."

"Well, if you two are such close friends, perhaps you can tell me what's wrong with Rachel." Jesse's concern was now clearly evident in his voice and eyes. "She's a terrific actress but that sadness tonight seemed far too real. Is she okay? Or did something happen to one of her dads? or Shelby? Is that why you're here? "

"No, nothing like that." Kurt assessed Jesse closely for a moment while deciding how to reply. "But she is far away from all her friends and family. I hate saying this but, she really needs a good friend over here, someone who understands her and her quirks. You should be that person."

Jesse sighed heavily before replying. "I can't be that for her, Kurt."

"Why not? Surely, you're not still punishing her for Finn or for Nationals?"

"What? No, of course not!"

"Then why can't you befriend her over here? Be my stand in?" Kurt demanded.

Jesse pulled his hands through his curls before stating in exasperation, "Because Rachel is high maintenance even as a friend and I have someone in my life right now who is deserving of my spare time. Sophie is sweet, loving and easy going, with none of the drama. It's"

"Boring." Kurt interjected.

'Excuse me?" Jesse responded in disbelief.

"I said: Boring. The Jesse I knew thrived on drama. He thrived on challenge. The Jesse I knew could easily handle Rachel's histrionics and defuse the situation without deflating her confidence. I do a pretty good job of it now, but I'm willing to admit you were the best. The Jesse I knew would never settle for someone "easy going and with none of the drama."

"Well, the Jesse you knew doesn't exist anymore! He disappeared six years ago when he got tired of always being second best in her life, someone she could pick up when she needed to make Hudson jealous and drop when she had no further use for. You are talking about the girl who **always** chose Hudson over me. . . Look Kurt, the fact is I can't risk getting close to her again, alright? Even as a friend. It hurt too much the last time."

"You really did love her." Kurt spoke with dawning realization.

"Yeah, I really did. It took me a long time to put my heart back together. My girlfriend knows Rachel and I have a past and I don't want to cause unnecessary problems. Sophie and I have had little enough time together lately as it is."

"Ok, fair enough." Kurt paused before moving into plan B. "But since I'm here only a short time, I would really like to take you, Rachel & your girlfriend out for lunch tomorrow, and get somewhat caught up on your life here. I'll even referee if it becomes necessary." Kurt held his breath and waited, his fingers crossed behind his back. It was a long shot, but he was betting that St. James wouldn't quite be able to resist the bait. If necessary, though, Kurt was quite willing to track down this Sophie himself and extend the invitation.

Jesse stared at him intently for a moment before wearily nodding his head. "Fine, I'll agree to one lunch, with you and Rachel. I'll see if Sophie can schedule to come too. You can pick the place and the time. Here's my cell number." Jesse scrawled out the numbers swiftly on a piece of paper and handed it to Kurt. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get changed…"

"Of course. I'll text you the details." And Kurt made his exit, heading now to Rachel's dressing room. He was going to have to be very devious as to when and how he told Rachel about the upcoming luncheon. It would be best not to say anything until tomorrow or Rachel wouldn't get any sleep tonight and therefore neither would he.

** A quick and heartfelt thank-you to those who left feedback! Thank-you too to those who have added the story to their alerts and favs. **


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: TGITWE! I'm sorry this is being posted later than I had planned, but it is also a longer chapter than the others, so I hope worth the wait.  
**

Chapter 10

Jesse did not know how Kurt had talked him into the upcoming luncheon. It was a bad idea and fraught with metaphorical landmines. By the time he had reached the steps to his flat, he was all set to text Kurt and say he'd changed his mind, but though Kurt had Jesse's number he hadn't thought to get Kurt's. Jesse swore in annoyance. The only way to contact Kurt was to talk to Rachel which was not something he was willing to do tonight.

He unlocked his door and upon opening it, stopped suddenly in surprise. He was sure Sophie had said she had plans tonight and wouldn't see him until tomorrow. But she was sitting on his sofa, obviously waiting for his return from the theatre.

"I hadn't expected to see you until tomorrow. Did I miss a message?" Jesse's voice was more brusque than he'd intended, but he was too tired to care. He removed his jacket and wearily slung it over the nearest object.

Sophie smiled sadly. By the barely veiled thread of irritation in his voice it was obvious that Jesse was not thrilled to see her. She apparently didn't even warrant a perfunctory kiss; so she got straight to the point. "I changed my plans and on a whim I went to see your performance tonight."

"Lucky for you to get a ticket, then." Jesse was in no mood for talking about tonight's performance, however it was apparent Sophie felt otherwise, so he started towards the bar to get a drink. She didn't deserve to bear the brunt of his foul mood, maybe a drink would help him relax.

"Yes. I must say I'm glad I went. It was a very **enlightening** evening."

Jesse turned, drink forgotten for the moment. "Just what's that suppose to mean?"

"I mean that I think it's best if we take an indefinite time out in our relationship, Jesse."

"What?" Jesse sank down on the chair across from Sophie and looked at her in total shock. "Why?"

"Because for some time now, the Jesse I thought I knew has been disappearing. I know our jobs limit the time we have together but lately, even when we are together, you're not really there. The Jesse I saw tonight on stage, that vibrant, emotionally invested person, is a stranger; he's a Jesse I've never got to know because you've never let me. I"

Jesse interrupted with a swift denial. "That's just a role, Sophie. You know that! I'm an actor. It's what I do and I'm very good at it."

"Yes, yes you are." Sophie's voice though laced with sadness, was firm. " But please hear me out, Jesse. While watching you and Rachel on stage it was quite obvious that despite how good you both are as actors it's more than that. You two still have unresolved feelings for each other, even if neither of you are willing to admit it. Now, I didn't know you when you first arrived in England, but Ben did and I had a chat with him tonight. From what he said I think when you arrived in England you were nursing a badly broken heart. We both believe that Rachel was the one who broke it, possibly when she got engaged to that jock in high school_._ Whatever happened, you ran away then and you are still running. It's time you stopped and dealt with the past and those unresolved feelings."

Sophie stood up, and then spoke in a voice now made husky with unshed tears. "I love you, but if I can only have half your heart, that isn't fair to either of us, or to the girl I saw on stage tonight." She bent down, and placing a quick kiss upon his forehead, whispered "Figure it out, Jess," before swiftly making her escape.

000000000000

"You did what?" Rachel gasped and came to a sudden halt in the midst of her morning stroll along the Thames with Kurt.

"I arranged a luncheon for you, me, Jesse and possibly Sophie this afternoon. I thought it would be nice to get caught up on all our lives, and meet the girlfriend of course."

"Nice! Are you insane? It will be horrible and uncomfortable and… and wait a minute! Just exactly when did you arrange this, Kurt Hummel?" Rachel was vacillating between dismay, anger and sheer panic.

"Last night, when I stopped by Jesse's dressing room to congratulate him on a wonderful performance. I must admit, he actually seemed quite pleasant. You know, he is rather attractive, sort of smolders. Funny I never noticed that in high school."

"That's because you and everyone else were too busy hating on him!"

"Ok, ok, point taken. But seriously, Rachel, aren't you the least bit curious about Jesse and his girlfriend? I know I am."

"It's a disaster in the making!" Suddenly another thought struck her. "And what am I going to wear?"

"Calm down, woman! Remember who your BFF is. Would I let you down? Now, let's go to your flat and I'll help you put together something subtle but artfully stunning. "

A few hours later, Rachel was dressed in a turquoise tank, form fitting black capris, and high heels that accentuated her long shapely legs. A fitted short jacket with a turquoise, yellow and black design completed the ensemble.

Kurt even restrained his more adventurous side and chose for himself a monotone pallet (though a jaunty hat and a cane added the necessary sartorial splendor.) Rachel did her own makeup but Kurt added the finishing touches. Very satisfied with the results he escorted her out of the flat to the cab he had prearranged for.

The restaurant Kurt had chosen was elegant in an understated manner and not too far from the theatre. Although they had set off early, Kurt's instincts had told him Jesse would be there ahead of them. Sure enough, Jesse was already seated and projecting an air of studied casualness_. _Obviously his love of black clothing was still intact, Kurt thought as he noted Jesse's black pants and the ubiquitous black leather jacket. A light blue shirt was Jesse's only concession to the spring day. Of Sophie there was no sign. Let the games begin, Kurt whispered under his breath, and taking Rachel's hand, led her towards the table.

Jesse immediately rose to this feet as they approached and stayed standing until Kurt had seated Rachel. Last night he'd slept very little; his mind had been too busy trying to process what had happened. Surely it couldn't be right that his immediate reaction after the initial shock and sadness had been a sense of relief? Feeling guilty for having those feelings, he had then considered cancelling the lunch date, but in the end he'd decided that spending a few hours socially with Rachel, with Kurt acting as a buffer, might help him gain some clarity. He only hoped he'd made the right decision.

"So, no Sophie then? Or is she joining us later?" Kurt inquired.

"No, she's unavailable." Jesse was not going to say more than he had to. It gave him some small degree of emotional armor if, for now, they continued to believe that he and Sophie were still together. It also bought him a little more time to work things out in his head and heart.

The next few minutes were spent in mundane conversation as they perused the menu and ordered. At first, talk was somewhat stilted, but Kurt skillfully brought the conversation around to discussing the West End compared to Broadway and the atmosphere eased. A glass or two of wine and a good meal further mellowed the atmosphere and before Jesse knew it the afternoon was winding down.

He'd actually enjoyed himself. The bantering and arguing with Kurt and Rachel had been exhilarating and fun, as had getting caught up on all of the Broadway news. Jesse's gaze was currently fixed very appreciatively on Rachel's form as she made her way to the ladies room when Kurt's voice, now serious, interrupted Jesse's thoughts.

"She's grown up, Jesse. She's not that naive little girl anymore, and she realized years ago that Finn wasn't right for her. Don't you think it's worth getting to know the adult Rachel? There's still too much unresolved between you and Rachel. Just think about it, that's all I'm asking."

Kurt's words left Jesse somewhat disconcerted. First Sophie and now Kurt had told him there was unfinished business between himself and Rachel. But it was true, he had run away six years ago, and figuratively he'd been running during the past few weeks since she'd arrived here in England. He hadn't been able to ever really forget her. The reality was, he wasn't going to be able to get on with his life unless they settled the matter as adults one way or another.

"I'll seriously give it thought," was all Jesse was willing to say for now.

Kurt searched Jesse's face for a moment, looking for any sign of insincerity or evasiveness. Unable to find any, he let out a little sigh. "Good. I only want what's best for Rachel, and over the past few years I've been increasingly worried that she'll be a lonely star in her universe. Very few people truly understand her. The guys she's dated in the past have been either intimidated by her personality, her success or they think she's too complicated and not worth the effort to understand. I used to think you were too self-involved and incapable of caring for anyone other than yourself, but I admit I was wrong. Even if all you two ever become is good friends, I believe you truly want the best for her and I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for my past animosity, it was childish behavior for the most part."

"Yes, well, I was too self-centered, and I wasn't exactly known for being tactful. We were teenagers, and add to that our competitiveness and inborn flair for theatricality…" Jesse grinned and Kurt grinned back.

"And just what are you two smiling about?" Rachel inquired, as she approached their table. To have the two people she loved so much actually getting along at last made her heart nearly burst with happiness.

"Just recalling our idiotic behavior as teenagers. Now I hate to break up what has been a fun afternoon but you two better be on your way. I don't want to be responsible for you being late for tonight's performance. This was my treat, so off you go, and I'll see you later, Rachel, Jesse."

Rachel grimaced briefly. Kurt was being so obvious about throwing her and Jesse together but she merely gave Kurt a hug and a peck on the check. Jesse thanked Kurt for the meal and then he and Rachel made their way out into the bustle of the streets.

"Sorry about that." Rachel spoke as soon as they were out the door.

"About what?"

"Kurt is always trying to play matchmaker. It's his other hobby besides the theatre."

"Really? I would have never guessed." Jesse replied, his tongue firmly in his cheek.

"You're not upset?" Rachel was puzzled. Jesse seemed almost mellow about it.

"No, not now" was his somewhat cryptic response. He then grinned cheekily at her and said "I was about to suggest racing you back to the theatre but I don't want to be blamed for any ankle injuries that you might incur in the process. Maybe next time, when you have appropriate footwear. "

Next time. Rachel stopped suddenly in her tracks. He had said next time. Was that just a thoughtless slip of the tongue or was he meaning something more? Rachel firmly bit her lip to keep from voicing her thoughts. She was not going to jeopardize this moment, this tentative friendship that had been carved out over the past few hours.

"Rachel? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I was just thinking about footwear". She quickly lied. "I really need to get some proper walking shoes."

Jesse glanced sideways at her in surprise. Rachel being cautious and restrained in his presence was unusual. He wondered how quickly he could get the impetuous Rachel to reemerge. Although the idea was intriguing it was best left for a better occasion. They had a performance to give.


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: I may have to shelve my plans of building an ark after all because there is blue sky and t****he sun is actually shining!** In celebration of this event I am posting another chapter for you all. Thank-you so much to all my reviewers, and those that have added the story to alerts and/or favs. Hope you enjoy the St. Berry in this one. 

Chapter 11

Jesse spent much of his free time during the remainder of the week, hanging out with Kurt and Rachel and giving them a quick tour of his most favorite London haunts. This also gave him a good opportunity to study Rachel in a more relaxed, normal atmosphere and he was better able to compare the Rachel now to the Rachel then. He discovered that the Rachel he had first met was still alive and well, but her behavior was now tempered by maturity and life experience. Nonetheless, he would occasionally find himself having to pull not only Rachel, but also Kurt, back down to earth. The two of them together could come up with some spectacularly outrageous ideas, which led to him dubbing them the "Dangerous Duo"; they in turn called him "St. Spoilsport." He found he really enjoyed their company and was surprised to realize that by the end of the week he and Kurt had become real friends.

When Sunday finally came, it was only natural that Jesse accompany Rachel to Heathrow to see Kurt off. As Rachel sobbed into Kurt's collar, he shot Jesse a look that couldn't have said any plainer than words: _Look after her_. Finally Jesse had to pry Rachel away before Kurt missed his flight. He shook Kurt's hand, wished him a safe journey, promised to keep in touch and before they knew it Kurt was on his way back to New York.

As they made their way out of the airport, Jesse slung his arm casually around Rachel's shoulders. He had known Rachel would be feeling low after Kurt's departure so he'd already made plans to distract her. He hailed a cab and soon they were on their way to Hampton Court Palace.

Windsor was also within easy distance, but Jesse found that Hampton Court always appealed more to him. There was just something more dramatic about it; as if at any moment one could round a corner and chance upon a former royal ghost slipping away into the shadows. Also, the grounds were perfect for a stroll and, as the misty morning was giving way to a glorious afternoon, they might as well enjoy it.

As they wandered around the ancient rooms and hallways, Jesse put on his best tour guide persona and soon had Rachel intrigued and laughing at his dramatic recital of Palace's history. Her disappointment at finding they didn't have enough time to do the maze was only alleviated when Jesse promised her a return visit for that.

It was as they were eating their meal, before returning to London, that she finally got up enough nerve to ask him a question that had bothered her for the past several days.

"Jesse, I know it's really none of my business, but where is your girlfriend Sophie? She's been more than generous allowing you to spend time with Kurt and myself but I'd have thought she'd at least want to meet some of your American friends."

Jesse swirled the remaining wine in his glass several times before raising his gaze to meet hers. "I didn't want my personal drama to impinge on your visit with Kurt by mentioning this until after he'd left. The fact is that our relationship is on an indefinite break because Sophie believes I still have unresolved issues with you."

"Oh!" Rachel digested that piece of information carefully. "And do you? I mean..." she stopped, searching to find the right words while her stomach was busily tying and untying itself in knots.

"Yes. Yes, I do. I've tried to pretend that the past is past, and that I don't feel anything for you anymore other than professional admiration, but it wouldn't be true. I felt guilty around Sophie and I felt guilty around you. It was making me into a head case and Sophie was right, it wasn't fair to anyone." Jesse reached out across the table and placed his hand lightly upon hers. "But I'm scared, Rach. We've both managed to hurt each other badly in the past; I don't want to do that again. We're not the same people anymore either. We need to take it slow and rediscover each other. But if this is just a game to you, if you just want to fill in time until you go back to New York and Mr. Right" comes along…"

"No! It's not a game. We both did some hurtful, stupid things. We both had to grow up, but now we aren't teenagers anymore. I'd like us to get to know each other as adults, the persons we are now. I don't want to make the same impulsive mistakes either."

"Good. Then we agree, we take our time to really get to know each other with no ulterior motives, no hidden agendas and no ex's in the picture?"

"Agreed." Rachel's smile lit up her face, and she just couldn't keep her joy from shining out of her eyes.

Jesse had to firmly remind himself that they had just vowed to take things slowly. It wasn't going to be easy though when she looked at him that way; the way he'd always hoped and dreamed she one day would.

After that night things fell into a comfortable pattern. Off stage they explored bits of London and nearby historical sites together or they hung out with other cast members, but always keeping things purely platonic. Only on stage did they allow their true emotions to play out. It made for a very successful show but it was only a matter of time before it wouldn't be enough.

But as the weeks passed quickly by, Jesse seemed unwilling to take the next step in their relationship and Rachel found her frustration grow and self-doubt creep in. By now she'd heard all the stories about how Jesse never dated brunettes because they weren't his type, and so she began to worry. Did he not find her attractive enough because she wasn't some pretty blonde? Sure he'd put his arm around her or hug her, but it was always very casually done, Jesse did that with many of his friends, it didn't mean anything.

Rachel briefly entertained the idea of doing something really seductive. But internally she still wore the scars from Finn's calling her a "sad, clown hooker" the only time she'd previously tried that. What if Jesse laughed at her attempts to be sexy? What if he too was revolted and completely turned off? Nonetheless, Rachel became determined that in some way she was going to take the first step.

It was their habit on the Sundays to go sightseeing, as Jesse had made up his mind that Rachel should see as much as possible in the short time she'd have in England. However this Sunday, Rachel vowed to herself, was going to be different! She was going to somehow convince Jesse they should stay indoors all day, just the two of them. Rachel started making plans.


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! I never expected to pass the 50 review mark, so I'm pretty thrilled! Now on with the story. **

Chapter 12

Jesse showered, and after again peering out of his bedroom window, pulled on some comfortable sweatpants and a t-shirt. It was indeed a nasty day and getting nastier. He ate his breakfast late, morosely watching the heavy raindrops bounce off the city pavement then fall again to collect in ever-increasing pools of water. The wind was also increasing and the weatherman had predicted a thunderstorm along with high winds for later in the day. Jesse sighed. It was going to be a very long, dreary day.

Earlier he had phoned Rachel to cancel their sightseeing plans for Cambridge and to advise her to stay indoors due to the weather warnings; however, his call had gone straight to her voice mail. So Jesse had had to be content with leaving her the message and asking her to call back. If they couldn't spend the day together they could at least talk by phone.

00000

Jesse half-hardheartedly flipped another page of the _Sunday Times_ and checked his watch once more. It was now nearly noon and still no word from Rachel. He was beginning to worry. Just as he reached for his phone to call her again, Jesse heard a loud thump outside his door, followed by an expletive. Within seconds he was opening the door and staring at one very bedraggled looking Rachel Berry.

Water was running down her face in rivulets, her hair was plastered to her scalp and she was juggling her handbag and a pink plastic tote in one hand and a sad excuse for an umbrella in the other.

Part of him wanted to scold her severely while the other part of him wanted to laugh. Another look at her face and he knew neither of those was a wise option, so he merely stepped aside and waved her in.

"Rachel, did you not get my message cancelling today's plans and suggesting you hold up indoors due to the weather watch warnings?"

"Well, yes, as a matter of fact I did, but I thought just because some little storm was preventing us from going to Cambridge today, it didn't mean we couldn't spend the afternoon inside together watching musicals. I felt _Singing in the Rain_ would be a very appropriate movie choice."

Jesse surveyed the girl currently dripping puddles on the mat and just couldn't prevent a smirk from emerging. "It rather looks like you attempted to recreate Gene Kelly's famous scene on your way over here."

"Yes, well, I severely underestimated how wet and miserable it was going to be, plus the wind kept blowing the umbrella inside out, which made it totally useless." Rachel glared crossly at the limp, broken object before tossing it unceremoniously into the umbrella stand. As she began removing her sopping wet jacket and wellingtons a sudden shiver ran through her and she sneezed.

Jesse frowned as he realized that her feet were probably the only dry part of her.

"Honestly, Rachel." he chided, "what were you thinking? You shouldn't jeopardize your voice and health like that! You'd better go have a hot bath to keep from getting ill. There's a washer/dryer behind the folding doors in the bathroom for you to dry your wet clothes. I'll leave some clothes for you outside the bathroom door for you to wear until yours are dry."

"Yes, Jesse."

Rachel's voice was surprisingly meek sounding, which caused Jesse immediate concern. It wasn't like Rachel to acquiesce so easily. Was she already not feeling well? What if she caught pneumonia?

Rachel hung the wet tote and jacket on the nearby hook and then proceeded down the hall to the bathroom, leaving Jesse to mop up the puddles she'd left in her wake. After placing a kitchen towel beneath the wet items to catch further drips, he headed to his bedroom to find something for Rachel to wear. Jesse immediately dismissed the idea of jeans or sweatpants - Rachel would drown in them. He rifled through his closet, tossing aside numerous items as being too big, or not warm or comfortable enough, and finally settled on a red plaid flannel shirt and a thick cotton velour bathrobe.

He called through the bathroom door to let her know the clothes were just outside the door, and then returned to the kitchen to get out the ingredients for a hot toddy, (always a singer's best friend when the weather was cold or wet). Putting the kettle on to boil, Jesse then set about heating up some lentil soup and making toast.

Rachel was only part way through drying her hair when there was a huge clap of thunder out of nowhere and simultaneously the power went out. It was suddenly very dark and quiet. With brush still in hand, she groped her way towards the door and after fumbling a few seconds emerged from the bathroom.

The apartment was now only lit by the flames from the gas fireplace and the muted grey light from the windows.

"What's happened?" she nervously asked.

"It looks like that bolt of lightning took out the power. Several blocks are out, maybe more." Jesse turned away from the windows and made his way back to the kitchen. "You'd better eat this while it's still hot. We can sit by the fireplace to keep the chill off."

As Jesse arranged her cup of soup, slice of toast and hot toddy on a breakfast tray his peripheral vision noted her busily making a nest of pillows and a throw in front of the fire. She should have looked ridiculous in his oversized robe but instead she looked as adorable as a fluffy kitten.

While Rachel alternately sipped on her toddy and ate her soup, Jesse knelt down behind her and began brushing out the tangles from her still slightly damp hair. At first it was relaxing to run the brush through her long shiny hair, but as the minutes wore on, Jesse's thoughts began to wander into forbidden territory. He wanted to bury his hands and his face in her hair. He wanted to lick the delicate curve of her ear, he wanted … _Damn! This was so not good. Get a grip, St. James! You are supposed to be taking this relationship slowly, keeping things platonic for now. Think about something else! _ It wasn't working, the more he tried to divert his thoughts, the more they reverted to one delectable Rachel Berry.

He put the brush down suddenly and quickly got to his feet. "I'd better get your wet clothes out of the dryer or they'll start getting musty smelling. We'll spread them out on the bar stools, and then," he continued on with fake enthusiasm: "while they're drying, we can play Broadway Musical Trivia championship round!" With that he made a hasty, strategic retreat.

**A/N: Okay, so that's kind of evil of me to leave it there wasn't it? Will it help if I tell you that the final chapter will be posted before the end of the week, and it is a longer one, and I trust a satisfying one? **


	14. Final Chapter

**A/N: A great**** BIG thank you to all who reviewed - but especially to my faithful reviewers! I've enjoyed your thoughts and the Pm's. Thank you too to those that subscribed to, or added the story to their favorites.  
**

******And so this is it, the final chapter and the longest. (I briefly toyed with the idea of splitting it into two parts but I couldn't bring myself to be that mean.) :-) To all who are reading, I hope this provides a satisfying conclusion. As always all grammar and spelling errors are mine and mine alone, the characters are not.  
**

Final Chapter of The Heart Wants What It Wants

It was almost pitch black in the bathroom as Jesse felt his way to the dryer. Opening the door he reached in and began pulling out the still very damp items: a pair of jeans, a shirt, panties and a bra. This left him in no doubt as to exactly what Rachel was presently wearing, or more accurately, not wearing. Resolutely he gathered up her clothes and reminded himself that 1) he was no longer a teenage boy at the mercy of rampant hormones and 2) hiding out in the bathroom was not an option. Taking a couple of deep breaths he made his way out of the bathroom and down the hallway, only to come to an abrupt halt at the sight before him.

Rachel was standing in front of the fireplace, her gorgeous long legs silhouetted perfectly against the firelight, while his robe lay pooled on the pillows at her feet. For a certainty, Rachel Berry was going to be the death of him today.

Trying his best to ignore the fact that the hem of his red plaid shirt ended tantalizingly at mid-thigh on Rachel, Jesse gritted his teeth and walked towards her. "Here." He practically shoved the items at her before he grabbed the bar stools and began placing them in a semicircle around the fireplace. Having accomplished that in record time he then headed back into the kitchen. He was just going to have to keep busy, and try to avoid all lascivious thoughts until Rachel was safely out the door and on her way home. However, considering her clothes were still wet and the storm still raging, Rachel's departure was not going to be happening any time soon. Jesse cursed softly.

**Rachel' POV**

Rachel stood up and removed the robe which had become too warm to wear while seated by the fire. As she reached for the brush and drew its bristles through her hair for a few last rhythmic strokes, she glumly reviewed the day's events. Nothing had gone as she'd planned or hoped. First, she'd arrived looking like a drowned rat, then the power had failed, and now she'd just spent the last hour bundled up in the least seductive outfit imaginable.

When Jesse had started brushing her hair, she'd felt a slight glimmer of hope. It had been so soothing, yet strangely erotic to have him run the brush through her hair in steady but gentle strokes. She had wanted that moment to never end. But obviously Jesse hadn't felt the same way because he'd abruptly put down the brush and gone off to do more exciting things - like rescue her wet clothes from a dead dryer. She threw down the brush in disgust and ran her fingers through the now nearly dry tresses. Turning around at Jesse's approach she suddenly found a bundle of damp clothes thrust into her arms.

As she set about draping her clothes between the rungs of the stools, Rachel cast morose glances at Jesse. He was now busily loading the dishes into the useless dishwasher and seemed almost oblivious to her being there. _Well enough was enough!_ Rachel fumed. It was time to have a heart to heart talk. She marched over and came to a halt directly behind Jesse just as he stood up and closed the dishwasher's door.

"Jesse!" Rachel said in a manner that should leave him in no doubt that she demanded his complete and undivided attention.

Jesse started in surprise. He'd been so lost in his 'Rachel dilemma' thoughts, and the noise of loading dishes, that he'd failed to hear her approach.

"Yes, Rachel." Jesse swallowed hard and started counting the mosaic tiles of the kitchen backsplash in an attempt to distract himself. There was just something undefinable about this particular pocket sized diva that turned him on, especially when she used that tone of voice. Being alone with Rachel was far too combustible a situation, which was why he had made sure they spent their time together in very public settings.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd look at me when I'm talking to you, Jesse."

Jesse reluctantly turned around to face her. A riled Rachel, eyes flashing with fire, face flushed with anger, was truly a magnificent sight. She was also very close - irresistibly, temptingly close - and she was wearing next to nothing, as his brain chose that moment to unhelpfully remind him. Futilely he struggled to remember exactly why they were keeping things platonic. Whose stupid idea was that?

"If you feel that I've inflicted my presence on you and that you don't want my company today, why don't you just say so? It's been obvious for weeks now that you don't find me attractive or desirable but we've at lea-"

"Not desirable?" Jesse growled in disbelief, and swiftly pulled her into his arms, "I've been trying to be noble and chivalrous ever since you got here, and instead you mistake it as disinterest?" Jesse drew her body flush against his. "Does this feel like disinterest to you?"

"No," Rachel murmured somewhat dazedly. Held so tightly against him there could be no doubt as to how aroused he was, nor how much he desired her. Her eyes fixed on the pulse beating rapidly in his throat and then her gaze moved up to meet the pure passion blazing in his eyes. Sliding both her hands slowly up his chest before clasping them loosely behind his neck, she pressed her lips against the pulse at his throat.

"Rachel, if you continue doing that, I won't be held accountable for my actions!" Jesse warned.

Rachel totally ignored his words and let the tip of her tongue flick against his skin to sample its taste.

Within seconds Jesse's hands were tangling in her hair and tugging her head back. A protest rose in her throat but died in an instant when his lips claimed hers in a heated, all encompassing kiss.

They had kissed numerous times before, as teenagers and as part of their roles on stage, but it had never been like this. This, this was what she had been frightened of all those years ago. The power Jesse had over her was still terrifying, but now she understood that she affected him just as profoundly. It wasn't about domination, it wasn't a power struggle; it was a merging of equal passions.

Her mind reeling with the need to fully absorb such a heady, glorious and wonderful revelation, Rachel drew away from Jesse's embrace for a moment. The immediate look of pain and sorrow in his eyes at her doing so only served to more than reassure her of his deep feelings for her. In that instant Rachel realized that this time it was up to her to make the first move. Now was the moment for her to get it right.

Reaching up she stroked his cheek gently before declaring with fervor, "I think I was always in love with you but those feelings were too overwhelming, too frightening when I was a teenager, and so I cowardly chose the safe and boring boyfriend instead. I hope you'll believe me when I say that I love you with every fiber of my being, for now and for always, and I'm quite willing to prove it every day for the rest of our lives. Will you marry me, Jesse St. James?"

Jesse stared at her for a moment in total shock as her passionate declaration sank into his mind and heart, but then his trademark self-satisfied smirk appeared. "Did you just propose to me, Rachel Barbra Berry?"

"Yes. Why shouldn't I? Is there some rule against that? I think it fits the criteria of epic romance, don't you?"

Jesse threw back his head and laughed, then drew her into his arms once more. "I guess it does at that. At the very least it will make for an interesting story for our children and grandchildren.

A thrill of delight shot through Rachel at his mention of their future progeny and for a moment she became sidetracked by visualizing beautiful, talented babies; babies who would be loved and adored by parents who adored and loved each other. Then Rachel looked up into Jesse's sparkling blue eyes and putting on her best imitation of the St. James smirk whispered provocatively. **"**Yes, but if we are going to establish our Berry- St. James** dynasty,** just like in theatre, it might take a lot of preparation, and many, many rehearsals before we can debut our first 'production' " She paused briefly and then teasingly let her hand drift lower as she continued. " So, I think we really should start with some of that pre-production right now, don't you?"

Never slow on the uptake, Jesse swept her off her feet and strode over to the nest of pillows by the fire.

]]]]]]

In the early evening, some time after power had been restored and stamina had been replenished by a proper dinner, Rachel awoke in Jesse's dimly lit bedroom. Her body still humming with pleasure, she languidly turned over to watch him as he slept. With his curly hair disheveled, his face relaxed and softened in repose, in her eyes he resembled a beautiful, sated Greek god_**.** _Rachel sighed in contentment and carefully moved a wayward curl off his brow. Over the preceding hours Jesse had taught her the meaning of the words with "my body I thee worship." They had made love with a passion and reverence for each other that she had never imagined to be possible. Rachel didn't know whether to weep at the years she'd wasted not being with this man who loved her unconditionally, or to just be thankful that she'd finally been brave enough to surrender her heart to him___. _Finally, she settled on just being thankful, and returned to reveling in this still new and rare opportunity to watch Jesse as he slept. _  
_

As if aware that he was being observed, Jesse began to stir and his eyes fluttered open to meet her gaze. Smiling softly at him Rachel quickly slipped out of bed and went to retrieve her pink tote bag. Returning to the bedside she reached inside the tote and withdrew a case, which she then placed next to him on the bed_._

He quirked an eyebrow upwards at her and asked, "What's this?"

"Open it and see." Rachel's face was alight with nervous anticipation.

Jesse struggled into a more upright position and leaning back against the cushioned headboard, he pulled the case onto his lap and popped its latches open. Peering inside he discovered several thick, bound journals. Still perplexed he reached for the top one and opened the cover to read the first page. It was dated January 1, 2013 and began with the words: 'Dear Jesse:'

Rachel slid back under the sheet and after planting a soft kiss on his shoulder, began to explain. "When I got to New York, it was so exciting and I found there were so many things I wanted to tell you, but you weren't there. So, I started writing to you. It became a habit to share with you not just my failures and successes but also the crazy, wonderful city itself. I wanted you to experience it too, to give you that. It didn't seem fair or right that you couldn't be there. I hoped that just maybe someday I'd be able to give them to you. When I was cast for the part of Beth, these journals were the first things I packed to bring with me."

Jesse leaned over and tenderly kissed the complex, enchanting woman at his side. She'd effortlessly shattered the shields around his heart and stolen it when he was eighteen, and it would always be in her keeping. "Rach, my beautiful diva, aside from the gift of your love, I can't think of anything I'll treasure more." He knew for a certainty that together they would build a future rich in shared experiences. They would no doubt have some epic fights and even more epic reconciliations. But tonight they'd share a journey from the past to where they were now, to where their hearts had always destined them to be. Jesse drew her closer, and as she nestled contentedly at his side, he began to read.

The End

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. ****Considering the angst of my last two one-shots it seemed only fair that I redeem my OTP in this story. I have grown rather fond of this future fic and despite several fights with my characters, I'm going to miss them.  
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** As I stated in the first chapter's post, this was actually the very first attempt I made writing a St. Berry fic. It languished as an unfinished draft on my computer for many months as I wasn't completely happy with it, plus the ending kept eluding me. It has been been coaxed and sometimes beaten into its final form. This last chapter was the most uncooperative, but I think it turned out okay though a tad soppy. As always Feedback is appreciated.  
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